If the match with your gestational carrier or your intended parents doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. I recently had this come up with a few clients of mine. My intended parent clients were pursuing an independent match with a carrier who seemed great, until she started making statements that contradicted other things she had said during their first meeting. This also came up with a gestational carrier client of mine who thought she and the intended parents had agreed to certain reimbursements and the circumstances that would trigger them, only for the intended parents to renege on the plan.
A gestational surrogacy arrangement is a significant undertaking for everyone involved. And trust is a HUGE part of it. The parties are working together for at least a year, sometimes longer. When that carrier seems like a great fit, it is like the answer to a prayer for my intended parents and so it can be difficult for intended parents to walk away if things start to fall apart. And for my gestational carriers, they don’t want to “take advantage” of the intended parents. They are doing this to help, not to get rich. But ultimately, if you don’t feel like you can trust the people you are entering into this relationship with, then you shouldn’t be entering into it. Like any other relationship, the relationship between intended parents and a gestational carrier must be built on mutual respect and trust. Period.
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